Back and Forth

I have to hand it to my friends, they are very patient with me. I should also add in understanding and supportive. 

I constantly back and forth on plans. Sitting at home with the cats I miss my friends. I will make plans. Then the time comes and something in me says no. 

My chest will start to feel the pressure I get when my anxiety hightens and then I inevitably cancel. 

Every now and then I can push myself to go visit them and overcome the feeling. 

I was appologizing frequently to my friends for cancelling or basically falling off the face of the earth. Again, I am very fortunate to have the friends I do. 

A few of my friends have told me to stip appologizing. I did not understand it intol one of them put it very clearly. 

If my legs were broken and could not get myself out of bed I would not be appologizing. So, why am I appologizing for another medical condition I cannot help?

That was when I decided to stop sayinh sorry for it. Instead, I say "thank you". Thank them for understanding, thank them for letting me take time for me, thank them for being there and listening. 

It's okay to stay home and it is okay to have days to yourself. I try to not segregate myself and try to not feel guilt. 

Take the time you need for you. It may not be easy, but, your mental health is jusy as important as your physical health. 

-Jordyn